Chapter 35
I recently came across an article with the subject line "Millenials are turning 40 and They're Freaking Out". Admittedly, I chuckled a little.
The funny thing about life is that once you're thrown into the deep end of things, you realise you're fine, after all.
I remember sitting at school crying with a schoolmate back in Senior High School because we were terrified of turning 18. Quite silly, I know, but growing up was scary, or rather, facing big changes was scary.
One of the things we were most terrified of was having to move out of the comfort of our homes. I took a big leap anyway when I decided it was time to leave Norway to study in England, just a few months shy of my 19th Birthday.
18 came and 18 went, and we were fine. My schoolmate, with whom I was crying about turning 18? Well, she's now a mother of four beautiful children, and I'm a mother of one. Woohoo!! We made it through some of the most pivotal moments in life and are absolutely killing the mom game.
Another big milestone came when my circle and I began approaching 30. How terrifying that was because we would no longer be "young and dumb" and would have to start reasoning like adults. In all fairness, most of us were already reasoning like adults, but there was some comfort in being able to make mistakes that weren't as profound as if they were to be made in one's 30s. Yeah, weird, as I have no idea who wrote the "Unwritten Rules of Turning 30" either. I just thought things were like that.
The worst thing was that many of us still had no sense of direction and would rather not spend time staring off into our bleak futures, because what could be worse? But 30 came and 30 went, and, apart from a few uncomfortable changes to our bodies, we quickly realised it wasn't that bad.
Now, at 35, I wonder why I ever thought there was a goalpost to reach while growing up. As a child, I used to stare longingly at teens talking animatedly to each other, wondering what their conversations were about and deluding myself into thinking that they must be so profound and full of wisdom. Once I got to my teens, I was shocked to find out that we were pretty much still kids and that our conversations were meaningless most of the time. But we had big dreams, and that made life so worth living!
I'm not afraid of ageing, even though some toxic people on the internet believe I should consider myself expired. What I'm most terrified of is losing myself. Losing my identity. Losing hope that the dreams I dreamt of the most will ever come true.
Regardless of the age, I always hear people say, "Oh, wait till you get to this age, you're going to hate it here", as if growing older is some kind of curse. To me, it's the biggest blessing. It means I'm still here and that I can still make some kind of impact on the world.
No matter what age group, countless evidence exist to remind us that no one has it completely together at any age. As it has been said about a million times, happiness is a journey and not a destination. The biggest purpose for growing older, in my opinion, is to become more humble with the years, and to realise that there is plenty to learn, especially from the generations that we precede.
I strongly believe that it's how you feel that matters, and everyone should be able to experience the liberty of doing what they love the most and living life to the fullest. I now have a four-year-old who is speeding toward 5 years, and I've learned so much about myself and her while raising her. I hope that if she does end up taking any of my advice, the one she holds onto the most is to not allow herself to become stressed out by trying to fit in with the world wants her to be, but to dance to the beat of her own drum.
I'm grateful for how far I've come, but I'm aware that there will always be a lot of work left to do. One thing is certain: I'm not the same person I was when I started journeying through my 30s, and I'll probably have learned more if I'm privileged enough to reach 40. Until then, I'll do my best to savour every moment of each day as though it's my last day on earth.
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